just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
