Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
