i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
