Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
