i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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