so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
