dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
