oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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