You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
