I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize