im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
