Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently you make a good broom.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
