Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
