I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
