I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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