Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
