...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
