I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
