He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
