dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
