my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
