I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
