and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
