Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's the barista slut.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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