threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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