He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
