OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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