So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
