he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
