I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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