if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
