I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He shit in the fireplace
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
