You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
