If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
