you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
