The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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