"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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