wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize