When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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