God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
