Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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