There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
