I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
