i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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