Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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