Already got asked if we're dating
Just cropdusted the office
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
