this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
