I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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