Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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