I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
