That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
