he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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