I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
