you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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