u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize