He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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