Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
