Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
