This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
