Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
