I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
