It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
