Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
