I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
